The beginnings of mommyhood

How do other moms start out? No, I'm not talking how one physically becomes a mommy. Just where does it all begin mentally? You think you've got this whole thing figured out. Well, kinda anyway. The moment you see that second line or hear the nurse utter that infamous word, "Congratulations!", thoughts come rushing in. In time, it sinks in. Whether it's a surprise or well planned, you get this notion in your head...this ideal of what type of parent you'll be. I will not say that I knew exactly what I'd do once I became a mother. I took it on like I do most things - uncertainty. I couldn't even answer one of the questions an expectant mom is bombarded with countless times, "Are you going to breastfeed?" Not sure what would happen or if I'd be creeped out by it, my standard response was, "I'll try."

Reality hits quite differently, of course. Not in the sense that certain things you want or don't want go flying out the door, but just meaning mommyhood can hit you like a ton of bricks.

As labor looms, thoughts of love and adoration go happily skipping through your mind. You can't wait to hold your baby. Raise a child, showing him or her every ideal you feel necessary to go forth in this world. Then out comes the baby. Now I'm not saying I know how you felt in the hours following birth, but I do believe I'm far from the only person that was caught off guard in those hours, days, weeks after birth. You love that cherubic, scrunched up face. Spit up, blow outs and all. Maybe even more than you figured was possible. Maybe it even scares you as you try to figure out the extent of these conflicting emotions. This paranoia deepens when you leave the hospital to every other driver out on the road. Visitors come by your house and tell you to go lie down, they'll keep an eye on the baby. As tired as you are, you can't sleep for longer than 15 minutes. Your baby is oblivious to all but her bottle or your breast, but you feel as if the world will come to a screeching halt if you sleep for an hour. That's how it starts. Well, for one crazy mom.